If you’re going to go to Screw Up Your Campaign University you will have to take its curriculum. The first class, required by all freshmen, How to Blow Up Your Campaign in a Spectacular Fashion by Trying to Outsmart Everyone Else is a 101-level class and is taught by Rudy Giuliani. The second class, an easy A, is How to Lose a National Election by Being Too Lazy to Try and Campaign is taught by Fred Thompson. Now comes the much harder second-year classes on how to lose a national campaign. This requires special effort. Gary Hart is teaching one of the classes on how to challenge the media to find your girlfriend while denying that you have a girlfriend. The next class is very special. You must have a candidate who is somewhat witty and is extremely successful in private life. The candidate must never say anything of substance. The candidate should repackage old ideas in order to get national traction. Once the candidate gets national attention and begins to jump ahead in the polls, the candidate should release a tax plan that is really rehashing old ideas which were rejected 20 – 30 years ago, but package it with a cute title. Next, the candidate should have some sort of vague sex scandal. The scandal should instantly remind older voters of Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas. Then, instead of squashing the scandal by giving a clear, crisp and precise answer as soon as the scandal breaks, the candidate and his surrogates should give multiple different answers which only muddy the water. The candidate should put out an ad that features a surrogate smoking a cigarette. The ad should look so odd as to make the viewer completely forget what the message is and simply focus on the man smoking a cigarette (see video below). Finally, you should probably have some sort of campaign finance scandal which appeals to even the casual voter to reek of cronyism and break campaign finance laws. This course can only be taught by Herman Cain.
President George W. Bush isn’t at the Republican Convention. Weird, isn’t it? Anyway, Bush rallies the Republican faithful and pumps up Senator John McCain while justifying the surge.
From the Washington Post:
The Republican National Convention got back on track tonight with a procession of high-profile speeches designed to illuminate Sen. John McCain’s life and record of service, after getting knocked off schedule by Hurricane Gustav and off message by controversies surrounding the GOP’s vice presidential pick.
In the most anticipated speech of the evening session, President Bush addressed the Xcel Energy Center crowd live via satellite from the White House, delivering a strong endorsement of the McCain-Palin ticket. Sen. Joseph Lieberman (Conn.), the Democrat-turned-Independent who has endorsed McCain, and former GOP Senator and presidential candidate Fred Thompson are also on the speaking roster. (more… )
The sarcasm is dripping from the title of this post. Fred Thompson who is “famous” for putting the Nixon White House’s feet to the fire during Watergate was actually a spy for the White House. Nixon viewed him as not too bright. It is really neat when you get a listening device and play it for a Republican.
Thompson is trying to kindle his good-ole boy image (wasn’t that the image that Bush had? Why would anyone want to walk in Bush’s shoes?). Unfortunately, the fact that Fred Thompson was a high priced Lobbyist seems to be dulling that image somewhat. A high priced lobbyist for the pro-choice group National Family Planning and Reproductive Health Association. Man, I find it hard to believe that this will play well with the Conservative base.
Update: It appears that Fred Thompson now has no memory of being a paid lobbyist for a family planning organization. Sounds like the Watergate cop out – “Not to the best of my recollection.”